Beware the Goofballs

I wrote a post a while back about my prom date. I actually was able to find the original email that I send out a few years ago with the original Toronto Star Article. Boy do I know how to pick ’em. Here it is:

From The Toronto Star, October 4, 2003 “A cautionary tale about heavily armed goofballs” by Slinger:

Daniel Greig, who looks like a clean-cut college graduate, is a clean-cut college graduate.  He is also very well-spoken.  What sets him apart from a great many other clean-cut, articulate college graduates is that he possessed:

  • A six-shot, .44-calibre Smith & Wesson revolver.
  • A .45-calibre Glock semi-automatic pistol.
  • A .45-Calibre Heckler & Koch semi-automatic pistol.
  • A 12-gauge franchi pump-action shotgun with a pistol grip and a collapsible stock.
  • An M16, a .223-calibre Colt semi-automatic assault rifle.

When Toronto Police discovered his arsenal, the guns were fully loaded.  Rounds were chambered and ready to be fired in the semi-automatic weapons and the shotgun.  The shotgun’s tube magazine had be extended so that, instead of the legally permitted three, it held eight rounds, in this case of buckshot.

 Two of the magazines for the assault rifle had been taped together pointing in opposite directions, combat-style, so when one emptied the other could be slammed into place with a twist of the wrist.

 Some of the several hundred rounds of ammunition found with this weapon were armour-piercing.

 “None of the firearms was suitable for hunting,” Mr. Justice Archie Campbell observed in a decision published shortly before he began his inquiry in the city’s SARS epidemic.

 Greig himself explained it to the police this way:”I was a little gun-crazy.”

Gun-crazy, maybe, but not nuts, at least not according to any definition of “nuts” in the Criminal Code.

But we shouldn’t get the idea that Daniel Greig is normal, either.

Even the normally gun-crazed don’t usually also possess a bullet proof vest, a pair of Smith & Wesson handcuffs, a pair of single use plastic handcuffs, a “cold steel” knife with an eight-inch blade, two gas masks, a Kevlar-reinforced metal helmet of the type worn by soldiers, two black balaclavas, and a radio scanner tuned to the Toronto police channels.

 They don’t usually make their own 45-minute videotape of Brinks trucks and banks – some chots were taken inside banks, and some, like the Royal Bank branch at King and Yonge, from his car in which the cases that held the shotgun and assault rifle are plainly visible – or hide the videotape in a box of detergent under the kitchen sink.

Then again, it isn’t entirely normal for a TTC Wheel-Trans driver to encourage his fellow Wheel-Trans driver to buy bullet proof vests and wear them while on duty.

Wheel-Trans is the service that provides transportation for the handicapped.  When Daniel Greig did this, the TTC fired him.

Some advice to gun-crazies: Don’t trust your mom.

When Greig was arrested, he phoned his mom and asked her to go to his apartment and throw out the box of detergent.  he said it was of inferior quality.

Instead, she took it home and used it.  Some weeks later, when she got to the bottom of the box, she found the videotape.  Which is why the police found it when they searched her house.

Why the police are sad: Greig was able to buy all these guns – one detective described them as “weapons of mass destruction” – with no trouble at all.

Why Gerig is sad: He’d never been able to get the 40-mm M203 grenade launcher he had his heart set on.  And he got arrested.   But he should have been more careful.  He’d been warned.  Staying away from guns was one of the terms of his parole after a previous infraction.

Why I’m sad: I wonder how many goofballs are out there who are up to their uinghangs in this kind of weaponry.

That’s why I’ve left out a lot of good stuff, such as the interior of his car being splattered with human female blood, although a homicide investigation fail to turn up a suitable human female corpse, and the Chinese Mafia -Toronto police plot to kill him.

Because of the heavily armed goofballs are what worry me most.

Still, some of them might not be complete screwups like Daniel Greig.

“I’ve been, in the past, a little paranoid,” he admitted.

Armageddon, or at least World War III, was about to break out, maybe in a couple of weeks, and he wanted to have enough firepower to protect himself when the government conspiracy replaced democracy with a dictatorship.

Presumably knocking over a bank was necessary to finance his survival.

The judge was unsympathetic.

“No citizen has a right to constitute himself as his own private army,” he said, and sent him away fro what will amount to a total of 4.5 years.

And yes…

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One comment on “Beware the Goofballs

  1. Still pretty shocking even after all these years. I mean…I played A-Team with the guy at daycamp. Maybe that was a warning sign. I wonder where he is now.

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